Rebuilding with unwavering faith

I wish I could sum up my journey of rebuilding with unwavering faith in 1 blog post But, I can’t so I broke it down into multiple parts. Keep in mind that this is a story I just lived and resiliently pushing through. I’m not leaving you on the edge, I simply want to give you gems to digest over the upcoming weeks.

10 months ago, I walked away from my marriage with just the clothes on my back and a suitcase. I went empty handed carrying the belief in the uncertainty of what lied ahead of me was far greater than the life I was leaving behind. I walked away to become a better me. A happier, non-suffocating Me. Was it hard? Beyond! The hardest part wasn’t the lack of money, home, companionship, cars etc. It was being apart from my children as I rebuilt our foundation. I knew for certain that they were safe and in great care. I didn’t want to uproot them until I had a place of my own to bring them to. I wanted my children to see the strongest most loving nurturing side of their mother again. As the woman they were seeing for over a year’s time was dying on the inside. I deserved to feel renewed on the inside and happy. They deserved to see mommy alive, unbroken, thriving and filled with Joy and Peace.

I embarked on a journey determined to live the life I deserved.

I stood at the bus station in DC headed to AZ with unwavering faith that I had the power to co-create with God a better life for us. I wasn’t as afraid of only having $8 in my pocket as I was more fearful of being sad, broken and hopeless with no vision or desire for living a fulfilled life.

Bus station with Suitcase

I had no idea where I was going to live while heading back to Arizona. This State is nearly 2,300 miles from all of my family. However, I knew that I was suppose to rebuild here in Arizona. So, I followed my inner compass.

The 15 hour bus ride took me to Atlanta, where I would be flying to Phoenix the next day. My cousin picked me up and recommended that I speak with a spiritual advisor before heading back to AZ. I’ve always been a risk taker. However, I normally take calculated risks with financial resources and a Plan A + B. So I was more than eager to hear what he had to say. His words served as invaluable Gems on this journey. He told me to:

Rush ahead with my plans
Let Go of What Doesn’t Serve me
Handle all things with a mild temper
Don’t bring the fight unless it’s brought to me
Sadness leads to denial so only express pain during Healing Codes
Healing Codes consist of (Praying, Screaming, Meditating, Crying) all while standing in the sun.
Call on Angels to fight any obstacle that appear to be too hard to bare
Speak positivity over my life and the journey ahead
Trust that every move I make is led by God and not to worry because I have God’s provision with me.

I carried his words with me and every time I found myself feeling sad; I would repeat to myself “Sadness leads to denial” or “Handle all things with a mild temper.”

I make my way to Phoenix. My old neighbor agreed to pick me up from the Airport.
It was such a blessing as she also opened her home to me. She allowed me to stay in her home with her 3 cats. I’ve never been a cat person. However, I pushed past the discomfort and was grateful for the roof over my head. I had a job interview lined up with the City of Phoenix. I knew this job would be the financial assistance I needed to get back on my feet. By God’s grace, I was selected for the position!! However, the position required an extensive background investigation and a polygraph test. It took nearly 2 months for me to be hired.

How did I survive in those months? It was God’s provision.

I had miracle after miracle show up each day. My determination to get my children back in my home was the force that propelled me forward. There were days that I had to catch 3 buses and leave out at 5:50 am in order to make it in the office by 7:30 am. Believe it or not, I was grateful. And, exhausted! I was re-introduced to a younger version of myself, when I was a new mom at 19…I had this same ambition. I was humbled and stripped of titles, ego and every comfort zone. I was forced to develop unwavering and unshakable faith and put all of my trust in God. God needed me to see that I can go on a journey empty handed and because I was sent by him, I was covered no matter the circumstances I faced.

It was as if God was already there and appointed Angels to serve me in a place where I had absolutely no foundation whatsoever!

Wow, I am led to tears as I write this to you. As I reflect, he was strengthening me and my faith. How could I ever lead the masses if I never truly experienced my own ability to rise against all odds? He qualified me on a level far beyond a certification, accreditation or position on my resume. He made me a believer in my own abilities. And reassured me that I was Chosen and why I was chosen to serve, inspire and empower. There is a large sum of people whose lives I’ve been appointed to impact and I must not get lost in anything or anyone who will hinder me from accomplishing what I was put on this earth to do. (Deep Breath)

Life will humble you! Life will take you on an unforeseen journey when you are off track to reel you back into the divinity over your life’s purpose.

Every comfort zone will be removed and you will have to unlearn everything you thought you knew about yourself. This is the leveling up process. You are being elevated to new heights and must endure. The enduring is painful. But the impact is beyond beautiful. Even on the days when I was exhausted by time I made it to the office from public transportation or sleepless nights due to my heart physically aching from yearning for my children the night before; God would send me a sign that He was the orchestrator and leading the way.

I would look up and see beautiful sunrises like the photo below after starting my day in the pitch black. In the midst of whatever you are facing in your life. I want you to stand, open your arms wide and ask God to stretch you. Your greatest potential is in the stretch.

Sunrise 3 buses

Stay tuned! Part 2 is coming next week.